Boston, MA – Northeastern students, as we know, complain about everything:
“University health services are terrible!”
“I am 179K in debt in an increasingly unstable job market!”
“Northeastern has actively participated in the gentrification of nearby communities and continually finds ways to steal money from both students and the city of Boston!”
Yadda yadda yadda. Why can’t they be happy with their experiential education?
Well never fear, huskies, for the powers up above have heard your pleas. Northeastern’s ever faithful student government has taken it upon themselves to address absolutely none of your concerns!
“This has been in the works for a long time,” Connor McCormick, undisputed president of the student government, told The Husky Husky. “It is with pride and joy that we announce the beginnings of the council for ethical hand sanitizer!”
As he spoke, McCormick motioned with his hands as if to quell our excitement. “I know, I know. This is a big step for both the SGA and for students alike! With this, we can get our foot in the door with the administration and maybe get some more ambitious policy going. Who knows? Maybe in five or six years, the administration will consider creating a council for the hand soap dispensers!”
The administration could not be reached for comment. Reportedly, they were too busy disbanding the hand sanitizer council.
This just goes to show: Northeastern is a small underfunded university. We at the Husky Husky fully expect, and hope, the administration curtails such pompous use of the meager endowment in the future.
