After a semester of scrubbing the snot off the spinning door in the cabot testing center, the Northeastern University cleaning faculty were looking forward to the reprieve of a (mostly) empty campus. Only one last job thing stood in their way: 97 St. Stephens. The leased property has been notorious for its various outbreaks of mold and critters, but this year a new entity has entered the fray. Officials have not yet declared its origin, but it appears that the plumbing of 97 St. Stephens has given birth to a tentacled horror of indeterminate proportion.
The beast was first identified following reports of multiple students going missing.
“We didn't think anything was wrong!” said RA Klein Richten. “A little bit of crying is par for the course in the last few weeks of the semester, but we knew something was amiss when the screaming turned to begging and then to chanting.”
Further investigation revealed that the students' collective cries of pain echoed through every bathroom in the building. The final nail in the coffin was the purple tentacle that shot up from Richten’s sink. Upon reflection, Richten realized he was lucky to have escaped with his life. “As a man of culture, I thought the countless hours of tentacle hentai would have prepared me for this moment, but it was like nothing I’d ever seen. I can see why so many students have been taken by it. “
The university is moving forward with exiling the beast and was proud to announce that it would be the cleaning faculty tasked with its removal. In true Northeastern fashion, this announcement was also the first time the cleaning crew had heard about this initiative.
“It’s awful,” says Hugh Parker Louvrecraft, a senior janitor at Northeastern. “Aoun told us we would have a group of dedicated exorcists for this kind of shit after the incident of ‘07. Now we have to throw our own people into the fray.” When asked to elaborate on the incident of ‘07, Louvrecraft could only sigh. “Let’s just say that when all was said and done, the freshman dorms were bloodier than an 80’s horror flick.”
At time of publication, the janitors are embroiled in a battle involving excessive amounts of elbow grease and hydrogen peroxide. The Husky Husky will report on the situation as it evolves.
