Look, I proudly attend at least four hockey games per fiscal academic year. I have splurged on countless free student tickets, and have, on occasion, sat adjacent to the Doghouse. I do the cheers, although I do not understand some of them. In short, I consider myself a “Hockey Fan.” However, nothing is perfect, and I have some complaints that I will be taking up with the Northeastern University Athletics Department.
I am tired of playing the puck shuffle game. I am tired of the wacky trivia. If Matthews Arena can play the Among Us sound during hockey games, then clearly we are living in a lawless hellscape. So what is stopping us from reaching our true potential, and what is that potential, exactly?
That potential is four words: Matthews Arena Kiss Cam.
Do not be misled! My argument is not advocating for a kiss cam that targets spectators. This is too predictable. Too cliche, even. There is no benefit to our school’s mental wellbeing that is gained from seeing Default Student 1 and Default Student 2 have the most uncomfortable “kiss” you have ever been forced to witness, in front of hundreds of their peers.
To put it simply, I think ice hockey is too violent. Sometimes the hockey players hurt each other and it makes me sad. I often find myself wondering, “Why do we need to fight?” Those wall slams are aggressive and I can’t help but worry about their bones. And so my proposal is simple: a “Kiss Cam,” but for players.
Imagine the Beanpot if we could all just get along. TD Garden is a place of… something, but Matthews Arena is a place of love. What if we could learn to love all schools, even “Harvard” and that one school in Maine? If things start to get too aggressive, we won’t need to throw each other into walls. We won’t even need referees anymore. We’ll simply have an unpaid intern pan over to the players, play a nice song, and put a heart graphic on the screen. They don’t even have to kiss if they don’t want to, a hug will do just fine. Hopefully, in time, the penalty box can become a place of forgiveness and peace, instead of malice and anger. A display of love over an act of violence shows that we are all human inside.
I hear your arguments. “What the fuck?” and “What?” But I assure you, I have considered every argument known to man, and I will not elaborate further. All you need to know is that I am right.