By –Kneel Bones
Boston, MA – Following an abrupt evacuation of campus and the subsequent closure of most facilities, Northeastern students quickly found themselves at a loss. The whimsically named sandwiches that had previously fed their barely-functioning living habits were now nowhere in sight.
The lack of quality sustenance has taken a toll on the student body, adding more stress to an uncertain time. “Rebecca’s is such a large part of who I am,” says 5th year Tiffany Sikowitz. “Without my daily Nicole on rye, I, like, can’t even bring myself to ****ing attend my ORGO 1 Zoom call.” After thanking her for her time, she scoffed and proceeded to slam her 2nd 11:00 am strawberry Jell-O shot before hanging up.
Luckily for Northeastern, 3rd-year business student, Johnny West, was gracious enough to offer up the skills of his computer science friends to meet the new demand for sandwiches. “I realized that it’s not the sandwiches the students are actually missing,” West told us, his hands emulating the ‘How to Exude Confidence’ video he watched before the interview. “In reality, it’s the time of anticipation before eating the sandwich. Whether it be yelling something like,” he paused to check his notes, “Secs on the Beach, or waiting in an exceedingly long line and failing to prevent awkward eye contact with your peers. It is the build-up that is crucial to the Northeastern sandwich eating experience.” To remedy this lack of yelling and social ineptitude, Johnny West and friends pioneered the Northeastern University Taste Simulator, or N.U.T.S. for short.
After vaguely explaining the concept to me, he encouraged me to download the app and try it for myself. Once I had deftly navigated the advertisements for sexy singles in my area, I was met with an option:Chicken Lou’s or Rebecca’s. Being a fan of the latter, I opted into the Rebecca’s style and was met with the bored faces of Northeastern students in a Zoom gallery fashion. Most were making every effort to avoid looking at the camera in an attempt to look busy, but some would occasionally scan the faces of those present before looking at the ceiling again. Every few minutes, the person in the top left of the gallery would snap to attention before their face-cam would be removed and the next person in the queue would be pushed to that same spot. After an amount of time in which I missed a lecture and a half, I was at the 'front.' I don’t know what I expected, but I suddenly found myself face to face with a text box asking me to input my order. I did so (A JFK, hold the tomatoes, hold the lettuce, hold the red onions, hold the Lee Harvey Oswald, and hold the hot peppers-I really hate vegetables), and upon clicking submit, a notification appeared on my phone reiterating my order. While I felt somewhat more compelled to make the sandwich than I had before, ramen sufficed just as well. For the sake of a full review, I tried the Chicken Lou’s option and was met with more or less the same thing, just with incoherent Bostonian screaming.
All in all, I am thoroughly satisfied. We at the Husky Husky are excited to see what innovative services Northeastern students continue to come up with in the future. Thank you, West, very cool.
