Boston, MA - At an impromptu press conference this Thursday, Northeastern announced that they will be repositioning Northeastern’s email provider from Microsoft Outlook to a mixture of Yahoo, AOL, and Clash of Clans clan chat.. The announcement, which shocked students, comes on the heels of last year’s transition to Microsoft Outlook from the previously used gmail or “Huskymail”.
“I just think this is a no-brainer,” said Northeastern’s Chancellor of Student Affairs Madeleine Estabrook. “Students have been complaining about Outlook, and we heard them loud and clear. Let nobody say that Northeastern doesn’t listen to student input.”
The new model plans for students to have six unique email accounts - each one to be used during different phases of the moon. The key change from Outlook will be the ability for students to use their Northeastern email accounts to email their grandmother, check on their terrible stock picks, and organize clan wars. Most students are excited for the new changes - like Tom Middleton, a third-year CS student at Northeastern.
“Wait, they're changing the email again? What? Why? I just got all my files transferred to Outlook. Please tell me you’re kidding.” Said Middleton, clearly excited for the opportunity to use AOL’s suite of features. “I should have gone to fucking BU - at least they just yell really loudly to send messages.”
The plan, which will be implemented by September, will also include a 6-factor authentication through Duo(lingo), which will require students to be fluent in at least 4 languages. Other sources of identification will force students to prove their Northeastern status by explaining co-ops and acting like the 6-month cycle is the only reason why they don’t have any friends.
