Boston, MA – The rising dawn of December 1st brought with it the end to a barren time. After a hard month of withdrawal from onlyfans, e-girls, and simpery, boys and men alike can bask in the glory of their retained virility. The risk for some, however, proved to be too great. At time of publication, 243 fellow soldiers have lost their spunk. Some local students have begun to question whether the cost was worth it.
“I just thought it would be a fun challenge to do with my friends,” Reginald Sellibate told The Husky Husky floating amidst the graves of his bros. “Honestly, we didn’t think we would make it past the first 5 hours.” Mr. Sellibate and his friends decided to tackle No Nut November together, and for a time, the homies were dry. It only took until the end of the first week before their efforts took a grim turn.
“Chase was the first to go.” Mr. Sellibate told us, his stoic divinity betraying nothing of his emotion. That fateful night of November 12th, Chase Cashew passed away in his sleep. He was taken by a wet dream. The cause of death?
Drowning.
“He was so young, but it was just his time, I suppose.” By the time the end of the month rolled around, the rest of Reginald’s posse would also succumb in similar fashion. Mr. Sellibate was the only one to survive and reap the benefits of his discipline. His incorporeal form was truly blinding to behold. Reginald’s raw energy became overwhelming as the interview went on - 3 interviewers lost their ability to perceive the physical realm - so we cut our time short and left him to his transcendence.
Brady Buckets was another brother lost to the jissom void. We got into contact with his now single girlfriend, who has chosen to remain anonymous, to hear about his final escapades.
“We thought it only applied to masturbation! When he came over I couldn’t help myself.” After months of lockdown and built up tension, the young couple couldn’t pass up their chance.
“He just came and went. This isn’t what I meant when I said I would suck his soul out!”
God bless you, Brady.
Our condolences to those of you who have lost a loved one. You can rest easy knowing they died as they lived.
With no regrets.
