Boston, MA – In mid-July, the Communist Clubs Coalition at Northeastern called for a tuition strike to fight the Aoun regime. But while the CCC proclaims that all students are equal, some were treated more equally than others under this tuition strike. The CCC called for only incoming freshmen to defer their enrollment, while actual club members and upperclassmen would continue to enjoy all the fruits of being a Northeastern student. (Although, if the benefits of Northeastern are fruits, living in Steast is definitely a tomato.)
This announcement subsequently prompted strong comments on social media.
“Because of COVID-19, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to have a fun hazing experience freshman year. I’m happy the CCC found a creative way to haze us remotely!” said Claudia Smith, an incoming first-year.
“I’m really appreciative that the CCC showed me the right thing to do this semester. I’m gay, can’t afford college, and have homophobic parents, so, I’m really glad the CCC wants me to stay home with my abusive family and lose my scholarship by deferring for a whole year!” gushed incoming freshman Taylor Stephens.
Not all comments were so positive.
“They want these poor freshmen to take a stand, while they circlejerk themselves over the change they ‘created,’ whilst collecting their degree and praying to their socialist overlords” wrote Reddit user I9T1997.
[Editor’s note: this is a real and profoundly eloquent Reddit comment.]
Others pointed out that the main deferral deadline had passed, meaning students would have to forfeit a large deposit in order to defer. Additionally, the call for a tuition strike was posted less than two weeks before the final deferral deadline, giving incoming freshmen a short time frame to make the life-changing decision about becoming a sacrificial pawn.
To get the other side of the story, we sat down with CCC Supreme Leader Maurice the Great at his luxury penthouse in Roxbury, paid for by his three co-ops at Amazon.
Said Maurice of the tuition strike policy, “Look, it’s just a recommendation. Unlike Northeastern, which is, of course, not at all giving students the option to learn remotely whenever they want and is physically forcing students to return to campus, our tuition strike is merely a suggestion.”
We asked Supreme Leader Maurice the Great why the CCC is calling for the tuition strike in the first place. “Northeastern has not single-handedly solved world poverty, ended racism, discovered unicorns, and stopped the pandemic in the 24 hours after we complained via Twitter and created several Change.com petitions” explained Maurice.
As for the goal of the tuition strike, Maurice said “If the university has less money, we’re pretty sure they’ll spend more money on the things we want, like discovering unicorns or saving Chicken Lou’s.”
When asked to comment on what they planned to do in the face of this formidable, voluntary, freshman-only tuition strike, Northeastern simply asked “There’s a tuition strike?” They then proceeded to roll around on the floor in laughter when they realized tuition deposits had already been made. They had no comment on the unicorn situation.
After much backlash over the posts, most CCC clubs quietly removed the posts from their social media accounts in the middle of the night, denied ever calling for a tuition strike, and canceled any dissenters who mentioned otherwise. To cover up their mess and distract the masses, the CCC replaced the posts with calls demanding that President Aoun be more transparent and issue specific, profuse, and frequent apologies.
