Boston, MA – Recently, the Northeastern administration has decided to relax their restrictions on guests in your room to allow for 1 guest from the same residence hall to enter your room at a time. Unfortunately, my editor said this isn’t noteworthy since everyone who has a social life had already been ignoring the restrictions. However, since you’re reading my articles, I’m pretty confident that you don’t fall into that category.
Therefore, I have supplied some great tips and tricks on how you can use and abuse this new allowance to hang out with people in your dorm, and maybe even make your very first friend!
Tip 1 – Invite over your RA:
While your RA might not be your friend, that doesn’t mean you can’t have them over! One sure-fire way to get your RA to take a walk to your room is to send them an anonymous message that you are having a party in your room. Won’t they be surprised when it turns out it’s a slumber party especially for them!
Tip 2 – Eat with your Neighbors:
When your RA is busy with classes, you’ll need someone else to binge-drink with. Your neighbors might normally avoid you (after all, your snoring keeps them up every night), but I’m confident that with hard work, persistence, and shameless begging, you will be sure to have your neighbors over for a nice homemade dinner of al-dente ramen.
Tip 3 – Proctors are your friends:
What if your room is a bit of a mess after your hardcore self-care sessions earlier this morning? Maybe your roommate drove you out after finding your totally normal commemorative photobook with pictures of them sleeping? Either way, you’re sure to need to find someone to chat with in the meantime.
Proctors are contractually obligated to stay at their desks, so feel free to just meander down to the proctor station and chat them up for an hour or two. Sure, they’ve got earbuds in and are playing League Of Legends, but they’re definitely listening to you!
Tip 4 – Invite Yourself Into Someone’s Room:
Sometimes, there’s just no one around willing to hang out with you. Not because you’re weird or anything, just because they have bad taste. Anyway, in a situation like that, just find someone heading to their room and follow them in. Make sure they don’t notice you until you’re in, and then just relax in a chair and read a book as you wait for them to make you dinner.
You’ll get a nice ambient noise of the NUPD sirens as they arrive to take you away, but in the meantime, you will get your court-assigned therapist’s prescribed dose of human interaction from the residents of the room you’re in as they beg you to leave.
Make sure to try out all four of our Aoun-Approved tips to have a great time with your fellow residents. If, for some reason, these god-tier tips don’t work out for you, just remember that you wouldn’t have ever had friends anyway, so you didn’t lose anything regardless!
