Student on Lockheed Martin Co Op in Kabul Nervously Checking His Airline Miles

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As Brendan's colleagues scramble to evacuate their Kabul office, he stares longingly at his soon to be lost airline miles.

Kabul, Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan - Biting his nails as the final date of withdrawal comes closer, Jamison Brendan, a Northeastern student on a Lockheed Martin co-op in Afghanistan, has reportedly spent the last few weeks nervously checking his airline miles.

“When President Biden announced in April that the United States would be withdrawing from Afghanistan, I was filled with a sense of dread,” said third-year student Jamison Brendan. “My boss said it was a shame that all those girls might have to leave their schools if the Taliban take over. But what about the real tragedy: what the hell is going to happen to all my American Airline miles?”

Talking to the Husky Husky’s wartime correspondent in Kabul, Brendan explained that the pull out decision spit in the face of the working class folk trying to eke out a living at the company.

“You know it's tough out here, these guys bust their ass off in the office, making sure we get these Afghani warlords the absolute best that Lockheed Martin has to offer. You think these guys like selling boys to Afghan warlords? But we do it for our country, and now President Biden has turned his back on us.”

He went on to explain that as the Taliban have embarked on a massive offensive in the wake of the US pullout, he’s been praying his superiors have a sudden change of heart.

“If I had one thing to say to them, it would be this. You take a look at those girls we got into schools. You think of those women we’ve got into the workforce. You think of all the sacrifices we’ve made. Now think about what happens to my premium airline miles if we throw that all away.”

At press time, Brendan has been fired after being caught trying to use his sweet co op cash to hire American Airlines officials at the Kabul airport to redeem his miles.


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