Boston, MA - It is a well known fact that proctors - our incredible, hard working and diligent residence officers - form the backbone of Northeastern’s commitment to residence safety by providing a 24/7 door opening, and guest sign in service. Northeastern engineers have tried for decades to automate this process, but have failed miserably to match the skill and precision of our proctors, who never fail to impress with their diverse and loud television commentary and zoom calls.
Recently however, as the Husky Husky staff woke up from our summer hibernation, and ventured out into the world to obtain our tequila rations, we made an incredible observation - a complete and utter lack of diversity for this coveted job. We found this injustice against white people, a minority group, entirely unacceptable. Being the stewards of justice for minority groups, we reached out to Northeastern’s newly appointed chancellor for diversity and inclusion, for comment.
Reid, who we caught carrying a yoga mat in one hand, and a bible in the other, stated “At Northeastern, we strive to create an inclusive society, we value all students, international, domestic and white, equally.” He assured us that we will see swift change. “Namaste” he added.
That evening, we saw an Indian proctor being dragged into Northeastern’s Diversity unit van, painted in bright rainbow colors, as a white proctor settled into his job, who was observed watching reruns of Duck Dynasty. We credit ourselves entirely for bringing justice to a historically oppressed group, and thank Reid for his prompt corrective action.
