New Jersey Student Union Outraged Over Lack of Italian Representation in New Mario Movie

Image for New Jersey Student Union Outraged Over Lack of Italian Representation in New Mario Movie

Pictured: Chris Pratt and known sociopath Shigeru Miyamoto (creds: Steel)

The September 21st Nintendo Direct revealed many highly anticipated and exciting projects-- the revolutionary kart racing game Chocobo GP, a re-release of the worst controller ever made, and Kirby: Breath of the Wild. 

However, all good things must come to an end, and this Nintendo Direct met its fall about half an hour into the stream. Fans were baffled as America’s sweetheart Shigeru Miyamoto revealed the cast for the upcoming Mario movie, a collaboration with Illumination Studios projected to be released on “Holiday 2022,” which reasonable fans can only assume means Valentine’s Day.

Reactions were mixed under the #NintendoDirect Twitter hashtag. “Isn’t Illumination Studios the minion movie people?” wrote one disgruntled fan. Another Nintendo enthusiast wrote, “seth rogen donkey kong.” 

The most abundant criticism, however, was directed towards the casting of Christopher Michael Pratt as the titular role of Mario, the famed Italian plumber, friend, and lover. “It’s disappointing that Hollywood is taking away another chance for Italian Americans to be represented in the media,” wrote Twitter user MeatBaller32. 

The Husky Husky has made a promise to dedicate itself to investigative journalism and giving a voice to the “people.” In order to obtain the most accurate information, we reached out to a community most affected by Nintendo’s anti-Italianism. We had the chance to interview a member from the Alliance of Students from South and North Jersey (ASSNJ for short), who opted to be referred to under the pseudonym Gabba Gool. 

Gabba explained that they, along with the thousands of other students that make up the ASSNJ’s concerningly large membership, were devastated to hear that Mario would be taken from them. “My grandfather’s grandfather’s uncle’s grandfather’s godmother immigrated to Jersey from Italy. I pronounce ‘mozzarella’ in a really fucked up way. So obviously this is something that matters a lot to me.” 

Pulling out a detailed diagram, Gabba ran us through the facts. “Chris Pratt’s father is English and his mother is Norwegian,” they began, “Therefore he is not Italian.” 

Nintendo has yet to release an official statement regarding their decision and the subsequent backlash. The Husky Husky will update with more information when available. 


Smellie acuna
2 years ago

This was some grade A journalism

2 years ago

My culture is not your goddamn Halloween costume

2 years ago

itsa me.... mario.

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