Breaking: Annual Husky Hunt Too Successful, None Left To Be Found

Image for Breaking: Annual Husky Hunt Too Successful, None Left To Be Found

The winning team, joyful in the wake of their victims (creds: Jo)

The results of this year’s annual “Husky Hunt” have finally been released! 

The Husky Hunt is one of Northeastern University’s most anticipated and beloved traditions. The Hunt consists of a  24-hour social experiment in which students complete a fun scavenger hunt and gradually lose their faith in a merciful God. Students race around Boston searching for specific locations and, most importantly, fresh husky meat. The theme of this year’s hunt was High School, which adequately placed participants in the numb, crestfallen mindset they needed to be successful in the Hunt. 

“The trick is to get your own bike, you don’t want to rely on a Blue Bike,” reported blood-stained freshman Alex Ander. “The huskies are fast. If you don’t have a working, reliable bike, you may as well quit within the first hour.” 

This year reported a record amount of huskies hunted, with a staggering average of 60 kills for each of the fifty teams. The winning team reached a record total of 93 pelts collected, nearly doubling the record from previous Hunts. 

We reached out to this year’s victors, a ragtag group of twelve Northeastern sophomores, to understand the secrets behind their success.

“Do you know how many punishments I’ve endured for my crimes, for my sins? The answer is none,” reported a team member with a glazed look in his eyes. “I am all proof of the absurdity of man’s most treasured beliefs. A fair universe wouldn’t tolerate my existence. But here I am today, on Centennial Commons.” 

Team captain Jane Harvey was more than happy with her team’s success. “I have to give a shout out to the members that coordinated our bear traps in Curry. That was genius, and we even managed to slow some other teams down when their members got caught in them,” she chuckled.

However, not everyone is pleased with this campus tradition.

“I got caught in a fucking bear trap in Curry,” claimed a civilian on crutches.

“For an institution that prides itself on progressive policies, I am astounded that we continue to let this practice continue,” reported some guy we found in the Popeyes line. “The Northeastern RSA is depleting Boston of its natural husky population and no one is doing anything to stop it.” 

We reached out to the RSA for comment, as we just found out from that guy that the Husky Hunt is actually coordinated by the RSA. “We’ve already begun the process of breeding our own huskies for next year,” reported the anonymous RSA spokesperson. “So hopefully we can double our kill count.” 


Jane Harvey
last year

down with the huskies

Tom Cruise
last year

Hey I’m Tom Cruise

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