Boston, MA – It was abundantly clear that Simon Psiphon had no idea what he was doing. It took him 37 minutes to properly unravel the power washer and an additional 52 minutes to attach it to the hose. He only just managed to turn on the diesel motor with a mixture of lighter fluid, matches, and sheer dumb luck. Meanwhile, his father could only look on in horror regretting his decision to delegate his son to the task.
“This was meant to build character.” Mr. Psiphon told the Husky Husky. “He’s spent this entire semester jacking off to god knows what, so now that he’s home I thought this would be a good change of pace.” He paused for a moment to examine Simon’s progress.
As expected of a 7th year civil engineering major, Simon approached every patio tile with unwavering perfectionism. Of the 4 tiles he had cleaned, 3 of them shined like diamonds. Simon would later tell the Husky Husky “75% is pretty damn good in my line of work.”
After 13 grueling hours, most of the patio looked like a million bucks. If not for the flood induced water damage, the stray lines of white in the filth, and the shattered tile shards it would have seemed like the work of a professional.
Simon was of course relieved to have completed such a daunting task. “I feel like I grew as a person, y’know? This gave me a lot of time to think and talk things out.” Simon admired his handiwork pensively while sipping his well-earned lemonade. “The power washer was a great listener. Maybe I should do this more often.”
Upon hearing this, Mr. Psiphon could only shake his head.
The Husky Husky will report as the situation develops.
