You Asked, We Answered: Questions from the Reddit #1

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Boston, MA (The Husky Husky) - Fall is in the air again, bringing cool nights, pumpkin spice tea, reunions with friends, a host of new candidates for “least favorite professor,” and dozens of clueless freshmen bombarding the NEU subreddit. 

We at the Husky Husky are forced to hit a merciless article quota want to give back to the community and put our experience to use by answering some of your burning questions. Without further ado, here is “Questions from the Reddit, Fall 2021 Edition,” because there are no stupid questions, only stupid freshmen.

 

u/throwaway3243288: “how was everyone’s first week?”

afrozone: Meh. My roommate drilled a glory hole in our door and has hosted 27 orgies since he moved in, but my Econ professor told us that all his tests will be open-note. All in all, I’m feeling a strong 6 to a light 7.

 

u/Soymilkjuulpods: “is there any possible way to get from dodge to shillman in 5 minutes?”

N.U.inmate: There are a couple ways you could go about this. If you email Aoun and explain your situation, he might loan you the NU helicopter. With that, you could cover the distance in seconds! Just exercise caution when landing, as chopping up freshmen in Centennial can damage your rotors, resulting in costly repairs. 

What’s that, you want to get there early so you can sit next to the cute girl who’s clearly not interested in you? Sounds like you need a trebuchet! After all, nothing says classy like a medieval siege engine. If this all seems too complicated, parkouring between the roofs of buildings can work, too.

 

u/BuyWeekly: “Will we be asked to come back to campus after Thanksgiving?”

N.U.inmate: Around mid-October, you’ll receive a handwritten letter from President Aoun formally inviting you to return to campus after Thanksgiving. You may politely decline this invitation, but do so at your own risk…

 

u/beesinsuits: “What places accept dining dollars and how do they work?”

afrozone: Literally every restaurant in Boston accepts dining dollars, but for some reason a lot of them choose to act like they don’t. However, loudly threatening to co-op at their competition should usually fix this issue.

 

u/goodnyou123: “Anyone know of a place on campus that would stream an NFL game?”

N.U.inmate: Climb up to the roof of International Village (Lightview works too, but the viewing angle is sub-optimal), pull out your telescope (choose one that’s lightweight with a large lens for easy viewing, but magnification over 125x is overkill) and point it at the 3rd window from the left on the 47th floor of the John Hancock tower. Their TV is pointed right at the window, and they usually have football on. Unless the in-laws are home and they’re watching Dr. Phil, in which case you’re out of luck. If this happens, you can point your telescope at the stars while your friends narrate in a Neil deGrasse Tyson voice, or just watch Club Rugby practice and use your imagination.

 

u/safaribrowserram: “What do you do in office hours?”

afrozone: Ask your professor for help on a homework problem, and when they go to write out their work out on the paper, “accidentally” brush their hand with yours while biting your bottom lip. If you time it right, your professor will immediately start making out with you, and you’ll get a guaranteed A for the semester.

 

u/EnvironmentJolly5358: “More affordable off-campus studio/1 bedroom apartments?”

N.U.inmate: Ruggles Station is one of the biggest studio apartments in the city, and I hear the rent is pretty cheap too. Just pay the Dollah Lady every once in a while and you’re all set!

 

u/beesinsults: “how do meal exchanges work?”

afrozone: It’s quite simple, really. First, use your meal swipe at a Northeastern dining hall like normal. However, instead of digging into that scrumptious feast, take your food container to a desired meal exchange location. Give them your dining hall food, and in return, they’ll give you an equivalent item from their menu. All eating establishments in the meal exchange program have been paid to mix trace amounts of exchanged dining hall food into all of their dishes, thus subconsciously conditioning Northeastern students into craving the shit that’s served at IV.

 

u/krakin_mcrackin: “Where do you guys buy indoor plants from?”

N.U.inmate: There’s this guy that hangs around The Fens around 1am… Best “indoor plants” I’ve ever had, but you didn’t hear it from me.

 

u/Aakash012: “How do Cybersecurity students on campus work with Kali Linux?”

N.U.inmate: They use Arch, the superior Linux distro. Did I mention I use Arch? I probably didn’t because I don’t talk about it much, but Arch is clearly the best Linux distro out there and, frankly, if it isn’t running on every computer, phone, and smart fridge you own, you’re missing out. Shame on you for using Kali, and if your professors require it, shame on them too.

 

u/Zashiony: “When will those package lockers start being used?”

afrozone: They’ve actually been used to move drugs around campus ever since they were constructed. How else do you think Aoun funds the NU.in Program?

 

u/garlic_braed: “What to do when your roommate ‘needs the room’?”

afrozone: Stand outside the door, listen carefully, and have your phone at the ready. Being alone in a confined environment can be incredibly dangerous, and your roommate will thank you if they break their neck or contract herpes.

 

u/MidgetInBridget: “What is there to do on a Friday night?”

N.U.inmate: I’m so glad you asked! We have all sorts of fun Friday night activities here at Northeastern. You can:

  • Do homework
  • Cry
  • Cry while drinking
  • Drink, no crying required
  • Go to the fens and engage the geese in glorious battle (it’s a graduation requirement, ya know)
  • Talk to other humans [citation needed]
  • Watch Netflix alone in your room
  • Walk around campus contemplating your loneliness because your roommate said he “needs the room tonight”

 

I hope this clears a few things up. We’d write more full-length answers, but we’re paid in Steast rations by the article, not by the word, so it’s time for the Lightning Round™!

 

u/FishDontFeel: “Anyone know a good place to get a haircut around campus?”

N.U.inmate: Depends on what you mean by “good,” “haircut,” and “around campus.”

 

u/spoonbenderx: “What the fuck is happening with Chem 1151?”

N.U.inmate: I finished Chem 1151 a year ago, and I still don’t know what the fuck is happening.

 

u/candidpengu1n: “what should I put on my resume?”

N.U.inmate: “My Reddit post got featured in a Husky Husky article”

 

u/ricoxie: “Can you make your own sandwich at Wollaston’s?”

N.U.inmate: Yes you can, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

u/ricoxie: “Best tasting water fountains on campus?”

afrozone: Not a fountain, but the water from the Koi Pond behind Curry has made me orgasm every time I’ve drank it.

 

u/secretsthatyoukeep: “Uber Eats to EV?”

N.U.inmate: I heard if you tip well enough, the driver will even scale the wall and leave your food on the windowsill.

 

u/beesinsuits: “Are classes held in ruggles station?”

afrozone: No, but the homeless people there will certainly teach you a thing or two if you listen to what they have to say.

 

u/pyboy10000: “Did you take notes for Discrete Structures (CS1800)?”

N.U.inmate: Nah, I didn’t really need to. Then again, I didn’t take CS1800, so your mileage may vary.

 

u/coolguyg123: “Can I attend class?”

N.U.inmate: No.

 

u/EnvironmentalAd9359: “Any other Lonely Sophomores want to hang out?”

afrozone: Yes, obviously they do.

 

u/coolguyg123: “Calc 3 with Matthew Garcia?”

N.U.inmate: Yes.

 

u/Doderick: “Surfers?”

N.U.inmate: No.

 

u/onbrandtofu: “how to request a refund?”

N.U.inmate: “May I have a refund?”

 

u/NoAd4003: “Resmail backed up?”

N.U.inmate: Seems about right.

 

u/itsapurplegiraffe: “I am here form?”

N.U.inmate: Hi ‘here form’, I’m dad!

 

u/mapuniverse: “Is there an origami club?”

N.U.inmate: There was, but sadly it folded :(

 

u/lucasb780: “I missed the club fair, how can I check out what clubs are out there?”

afrozone: You can’t. Better luck next year!

 

Thank goodness that’s over… Wait, WHAT? We’re doing this again?! I guess this is gonna be a semi-regular thing now, so if you want your questions featured next time, open up Reddit and ask away!

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