Boston, MA—With the Winter Olympics upon us and the NHL prohibiting its players from attending, our very own French-Canadian goalie, Devon Levi, will be abandoning us for the Beanpot representing his home country, Canada, at the Olympics. Alina Mueller will be playing for the alpine chocolate gulag, Switzerland. As the Husky Husky’s fourth-best and only French-speaking journalist, I interviewed Levi to see what it is like being a slave to the British Empire an Olympian and a Canadian at Northeastern.
When approached by this reporter, Levi responded, “Putain merde!!! C’est Devon, n’est pas Devon!” He then proceeded to take a swig from a bottle of maple syrup. “Ton journal est merde! Pas amusant! Vive le Canada, Je suis sortie!"
(My French is rusty, but I believe he said: Yes, that is how you pronounce my name, you are super cool, your newspaper is super funny, America is better than Canada, I sadly have to go now) While he unfortunately didn't spit-roast me with his hockey stick answer any questions, he left his maple syrup bottle with me, so we are counting this as a win.)
Following the Huskies’ glorious Beanpot victory against the Boston-ish College government surveillance drones and a rigged disappointing loss against the BU formerly confederate terriers, some are even considering a future where society can progress beyond the need for French Canadians. A future where the loss of a single canook won't result in a humiliating loss to our rat-infested rivals in Alliston.
Additionally, r/neu has uncovered a plot by said rat-infested rivals, BU and BC, to sabotage our chances of winning the Beanpot. The plot involves the purchase of obscene quantities of bagged milk and several dozen moose at overinflated prices by BU and BC from Canada in exchange for a spot on the team.
With nowhere else to go, as BU has no campus, these moose have turned to crashing Alliston parties, consuming vast amounts of beer, blacking out and falling down frat-house stairs. Many BU students are now stuck at parties and have resorted to eating rats on account of the large rotting corpses suez-canaling the stairways.
Loyal Northeastern Hockey fans, however, plan to root for Team Canada and Switzerland to support Levi and Mueller. “How often do you see Huskies at the Olympics?'' Said one hockey fan interviewed outside Matthews Arena, “I’d root for Russia if their team had a fellow Husky.”
In unrelated news, a severed moose head was found in our editor’s bed this morning. While it could have been anyone, we at the Husky Husky blame the sore winners at our less funny rival: the BUnion.
Best of luck, Devon and Alina. All of us at the Husky Husky are rooting for you!
Update: The remainder of the moose corpse was found blocking the door to our sweatshop. We are stuck and eating our way out. If you enjoy moose please come help us eat our way out. The obese siberian huskies that make up our writing staff have become distracted and are gnawing on moose bones. Mmmmm moose.
