Boston, MA – In recent months, as the notorious Instagram account NEU Gigs began gradually transforming into something of an NEU Wild Confessions 2.0, I’ve found myself questioning whether the incessant spam on my feed was worth tolerating. Nevertheless, I persisted, holding out in the hopes that maybe, just maybe I might need it one day.
Unfortunately, a recent experience with the manager of the account, Mr. Gigs himself, put me at my breaking point. Upon DMing him a simple, reasonable request—to promote my OnlyFans account—I was met with nothing but a blatantly disrespectful “lmaooooo [cry laughing emoji]” in response.
Am I a joke to you? What about my profession is a laughing matter? When I sent another message to request that he please promote my online bath water shop as well, I received even more disdain. He told me that promoting the monetization of my simp magnetism felt “unprofessional,” didn’t “fit with the NEU Gigs brand,” and was “an insult to hardworking business majors” like himself.
First of all, Mr. Gigs, we all know that’s an oxymoron. There is no hard work in business school, only hustle, and baby, I’m a hustler. I can’t help that I’m a hottie with a body. The horny mob has a demand and I’m supplying it; don’t come at me for being an entrepreneurial spirit with a rack to match. I’m merely giving the simps what they want and chasing a bag at the same time, is that so wrong? This is what the gig economy should be all about.
Second of all, I refuse to silently accept this mockery. I’ve decided to boycott NEU Gigs, and I encourage everyone to do the same. If we’re being honest here, what is there to miss—students selling overpriced textbooks that are available for free on Library Genesis? Last minute attempts to sublet $5000 studio apartments? 24 hour exhibitions of sexual harassment from creepy Tinder men? I know, it’s daunting to think that you might miss out on one of those extremely effective change.org petitions asking the university to lower tuition, but in the name of sexual liberation, we must. It’s time to take a stand against the insidious manifestations of patriarchy and click that unfollow button.
Ladies and simps, let us follow in the footsteps of brave feminist icons like Susan B. Anthony, Margaret Sanger, and Belle Delphine. This is the second wave of the sexual revolution; you’re either with it, or against it. To all the real ones who want to support my work, you can buy my artisanal bath water at shop.aounurine.com, or subscribe to my OnlyFans @AounLover69, where I post a variety of content, from foot pics, to semi-SFW anime girl cosplay, to [censored by The Husky Husky editorial staff].