Boston, MA - Northeastern’s NuStart - which admits new students on a purely remote basis for their first year at Northeastern - has launched a new housing initiative starting this spring semester. The initiative, titled nUkraine, matches potential Northeastern students with low-cost housing in the Luhansk and Donetsk region of Ukraine.
“As many Northeastern students know, we have had a huge housing issue at Northeastern,” Said Stacy Green, Northeastern’s Head of Student Disposal. “But where other colleges see a morally unjustifiable housing policy, Northeastern sees an opportunity. We captalized on a drop in housing prices in a wonderful European country to house students safely - and most importantly, cheaply. For us.”
Northeastern’s NuStart students seem split on this new and innovative new program.
“On the one hand, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get into Northeastern without NuStart. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure I just saw a tank blow through my back patio,” Said Tim Stalwarth, a Freshman Criminal Justice Student at Northeastern. “This level of danger is ridiculous - it’s not like I’m going to UCLA.”
Other students are more positive on the nUkraine initiative. Ivan Fedorov, an international student from Moscow, felt excited at the prospect of studying in a foreign country.
“The Ukraine is in no danger,” said Fedorov. “I feel perfectly justified in coming here - just as Russian forces are completely justified in defending their borders from NATO aggressors. There is only a slight diplomatic question of where those borders are.”
Ultimately, the program has been a success for Northeastern. The new housing has allowed Northeastern to admit hundreds more cash cows students for almost no bottom-line cost.
“After the success of nUkraine - We are hoping to launch a number of exciting NuStart initiatives globally,” said Green.”Yemen, Afghanistan,The Sudan - even Rocksbury - all offer exciting opportunities for us to find below-rate student housing. These are savings we will pass directly onto our executive board.”