Boston, MA - Thousands of Northeastern students woke up on Friday morning to discover that they had been expelled from the university after failing to complete the critical racial literacy training mandated by the University. The training, which was left uncompleted by thousands of students despite a generous completion period, would have solved the problem of racial bias and discrimination at Northeastern.
“Well frankly, we didn’t actually track which students failed to complete the training,” said Madeline Clinton, Northeastern’s Head of Racial Training and Steast Wok Services. “We just expelled students who clearly would never spend their time on this sort of activity - white guys with dreads, international students only interested in getting an education, students without the #PrayForUkraine Instagram filter, and also the Black Student Association for not being called the African-American Student Association.”
The expulsions, which predominately affected students not in CSSH, came as a surprise to many of those at Northeastern, including reporters at The Husky Husky who actually reached out to the Academic Impressions team only to be completely sidelined.
“Honestly, I thought the whole thing was an April fools joke,” said Timothy Shamvalie. “I mean SGA just released that prank email where they acted like they were going to respect students and hold themselves accountable, so I figured the whole university was just sort of messing around.”
Expelled students were informed of their fate by a series of 20 emails thanking them for declaring their concentration.