Man Now Nervously Looking Over Shoulder Before Saying "China-Virus"

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Brendan O'Mulligan is getting increasingly nervous to say what's on his mind...

-In the aftermath of a deadly hate crime that killed 8 Asian Americans in Atlanta, a local Bostonian can’t help wondering whether his habit of referring to COVID-19 as “the China Virus” contributed to this atmosphere. 

“I dismissed it before as liberal hysteria, and PC culture, but a small yet growing part of me is starting to suspect that there might be a connection between my words and the actions of others,” said Dunkin Donuts squatter Brendan O’Mulligan.

O’Mulligan admits his recent revelations are a surprising development for the man who likes to alternate between using “China virus” and “kung flu,” but says the mounting evidence has become hard to ignore. However, the thrill can be hard to resist. 

“The way I see things, there are two possibilities for how I could go forward. I could take a hard look at the way I’ve treated the Asian Americans in this city, apologize to those I’ve hurt, and do my best to curb this behavior when I see others display it.”

“But on the other hand, maybe its just about holding the CCP accountable for giving us this horrible virus, and there’s nothing wrong with it? Yeah, I’m leaning towards that.”

O’Mulligan says he’s taken to looking over his shoulder before saying “China virus” with gusto, but says the secrecy makes it all the more fun. 

“I know it annoys people, but honestly I just like saying it. So, there’s that.The way I see it, it’s my duty to continue using the phrase to protest the chairman in chief, ‘‘Bejing Biden.’”

At press time, O’Mulligan was thinking about curtailing his anti blackness by ceasing his buggy jiving in the parking lot of the Medford Aldi’s, but decided that he was merely “celebrating the culture.”


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