Welcome one, welcome all, to the first Husky Husky presidential debate live blog!
We know that you are all especially excited for this because we know we aren’t! Honestly, we are as confused as you are as to why two people whose jobs are to get us to like them would have us sit through a 1.5hr slog of a debate.
In order to better inform you, our readers, of what is really going on in our candidate’s minds, we’ll be giving our totally objective views of how neither candidate is as hot as Aoun and why they couldn’t even get into NU.in.
We hope you enjoy the live blog starting at 9PM EDT tonight, and encourage you all to vote come elections. Just make sure that instead of voting for the idiots that are President Trump and Vice-President Biden, you write-in Aoun.
#Aoun2020 #KeepAmericaGreedy #MakeAmericaRobotProof #IncreaseStudentDebt #BenHescottVP
[Disclaimer: This is a political debate. The article will make some jokes about politics. These don’t necessarily represent our views and are certainly not endorsements of politicians or policies, or anything else for that matter.]
Gamer-Bot @ 9:00PM: We sit anxiously as we wait to see who will be the first to form a coherent sentence.
Picklerat @ 9:00PM: President Trump sets the tone for debate by immediately whipping his dick out and bitch slapping Biden with it.
Kneel Bones @ 9:04PM: Some mad turtle vibes coming off the moderator right now.
Gamer-Bot @ 9:06PM: Candidates to not shake hands, pretend it’s because corona.
Gamer-Bot @ 9:08PM: “Amey Barret is supported by only the most liberal of conservatives.”
Picklerat @ 9:09PM: Biden flashing those sexy pearly whites uwu.
Diogenes: @ 9:10PM: As the average American voter - I hate bidens tie and will vote on that. I just canceled out your vote Poli Sci nerds.
Gamer-Bot @ 9:11PM: It took a record-breaking 3 minutes for the debate to break down into interruptions and arguing.
Picklerat @ 9:12PM: Trump bravely shows he knows the difference between 3 and 4.
Vice-President Biden @ 9:12PM: I AM THE SENATE.
Diogenes @ 9:14PM: Chris Wallace was not the Imposter.
Gamer-Bot @ 9:16PM: I am genuinely disappointed to see the debate immediately break down into arguing.
Diogenes @ 9:18PM: This is not funny anymore. :( Bazinga.
Chris Wallace @ 9:19PM: “You are both speaking at the same time.”
Kneel Bones @ 9:19PM: Chris Wallace disciplines his children.
Diogenes @ 9:20PM: JUST GIVE THEM THEIR WALKERS AND LET THEM HIT EACH OTHER.
Kneel Bones @ 9:24PM: Joe selling the socialist dream of being able to live happily.
Pricklerat @ 9:26PM: Joe staring deep into my soul while Trump is talking.
Kneel Bones @ 9:28PM: Trump lookin kinda thicc ngl. Starting a petition for more back shots.
President Trump @ 9:32PM: “Don’t ever use the word ‘smart’ with me” or my son ever again.
Picklerat @ 9:35PM: President Trump confirms that even with masks, size matters.
Diogenes @ 9:36PM: How I learned to stop worrying and love the debate.
Gamer-Bot @ 9:39PM: President Trump makes very controversial claim: “People know what to do.”
Gamer-Bot @ 9:41PM: President Trump looks at the camera for the first time after realizing there’s people watching.
Petergarbanzo beans @ 9:42PM: Vice-President Biden narrowly avoids another eye bleeding, close call keeping one eye closed a bit too long.
Diogenes @ 9:43 PM: Vice-President Biden staff fails to prep out the classic “football” argument.
President Trump @ 9:44PM: “I don’t want to pay tax.”
Petergarbanzobeans @ 9:46: Undecided @ Gamer-bot waiting to hear plans to “cut” homeless people in half.
Diogenes @ 9:48: This is just boomers arguing about cars.
Kneel Bones @ 9:51: Joe looks like he’s going to cry, President Trump sounds like he’s going to cry, Chris sounds like he’s going to cry. Oh god there’s still 40 minutes left.
Picklerat @ 9:59: I said I wasn’t gonna drink but fuck it vans on the wall.
Diogenes @ 10:00: As any BDSM connoisseur knows, intense sessions like this require serious aftercare.
Petergarbanzo beans @ 10:01: Leftist support for Vice-President Biden goes up 50% after he vows to destroy bad apple cops.
Picklerat @ 10:03: Breaking news, Ben Shaprio has just exploded at the suggestion that people’s feelings are important. Don’t worry, his wife is a doctor.
Diogenes @ 10:04: His thoughts fading to a dark memory, President Trump whispered, “I know suburbs. Oh, I know suburbs.”
Picklerat @ 10:09: President Trump somehow manages to fuck up condemming white supremacists. I’m fucking dead.
Picklerat @ 10:12: It’s now sinking in that there are 2 more of these, fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk meeeeeeeeeeee.
Petergarbanzo beans @ 10:15: Putin wondering who left the door open, letting his puppy out.
Petergarbanzo beans @ 10:18: President Trump silently thanking AP Environmental teacher in statement on forest management.
Kneel Bones @ 10:18: President Trump admits the presence of ‘trees’ in the ‘forests’ is problematic.
Picklerat @ 10:19: President Trump outs himself as a forest management policy wonk. Elizabeth Warren is very pleased.
Kneel Bones @ 10:20: President Trump has taken to gaslighting the moderator.
Picklerat @ 10:27: Trump pulls out the classic “No u” response.
Diogenes @ 10:27: The Walmart employee when i start screeching in the Lego aisle - “Sir, stop.”
Picklerat @ 10:35: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Closing remarks:
It’s been an excruciating hour and a half. We’re beaten, tired, and Chris Wallace is threatening us with 2 more. We’ll keep you updated on our lack of sanity.
