Boston, MA - After several peace talks and far too much speculation by Huntington News reporters, the Goose Liberation Army (GLA) has agreed to sign a peace treaty. The announcement and subsequent signing of the peace treaty took place at the future site of ISEC V. Both President Aoun and the leader of the GLA signed the historic agreement ending a decades-long conflict between the Fens Geese and Northeastern University.
The groundbreaking agreement establishes a number of conventions that both sides must adhere to. For Northeastern students, this means that they will now be safe from geese while crossing the fens for Target runs at midnight. Students will still need to fend themselves from the ravenous attacks by Berkelee student acapella groups. Thus the Husky Husky still recommends students carry standard issue M240 machine guns with armor-piercing rounds to deal with wild acapella groups. However, the peace accords signed guarantee fellow huskies will not meet the end at the hands of the infamous fens geese ever again.
So what’s in this for the GLA and the fens geese? Well, Northeastern has promised to sacrifice 2 students who own Canada Goose apparel every year. The Northeastern administration has already made a list of students in possession of Canada Goose apparel and will choose the two sacrificial students at random. Preparations to make this event into a university holiday are expected to start soon.
With the decades-old conflict now over, a wave of much-needed relief has swept Northeastern students. “I’m so glad that it’s over, I was left behind last March when Northeastern evicted everyone. I didn’t see the email so I was horrified when the Geese invaded” said Jim Collins, a 9th-year business student. It is safe to say that with the conflict over, Northeastern has become a little less of a major shitshow.
