Boston, MA - It has been a busy time south of the river, with 6 million Northeastern graduations taking place at Fenway Park. Understandably, the Northeastern University social media machine has been working in overdrive, trying to lure students with deep pockets in with promises of a quality education and the Fens geese being… well… suspiciously, geese-like.
As Auon’s sun-kissed head enjoys the graduation festivities, a major data breach has revealed the blueprints of the proposed new ‘Lightview II’ building.
The blueprints, reviewed by CAMD students architecture experts at the Husky Husky, reveal a monstrously large building consisting of a labyrinth of secret tunnels, spy technology, and a basement floor labeled only as “Aoun tanning and trimming room”.
The breach, triggered by a student’s improper backdoor use of the ‘Duo’ 2FA software, has given us a first look at the planned Lightview II. In a statement, Vice Chancellor Madeleine Esterbrook told the Husky Husky “The student’s conduct is not representative of university values, and he has been asked to withdraw from the university.” The student allegedly checked the “remember me for 30 days” box. “We urge all students to continue wearing masks and adhere to all COVID restrictions, or at least pretend to on their social media.” She added rather candidly.
When contacted by the Husky Husky, the student apologised for his conduct and asked for forgiveness, offering to volunteer with the cleanup effort at 97 St. Stephens. He is currently on a waitlist as a transfer at UMASS Boston.
