Boston, MA – It’s a scene which has played out across millions of bedrooms everyday. You lay back in your bed, satisfied after another successful sex having. You turn over to look at the girl you just performed sex upon to see how blown away she was by your sexual prowess and statistically average penis. However, hark! The expression of veritable euphoria and baffled bewilderment is nowhere to be found. Instead there is only the blank stare of bland boredom and a distasteful disinterest. You notice her melancholy. Perhaps she is upset because of hormones, pink taxes, wage gaps, or perhaps she’s still really upset One Direction broke up. Well, women are not troubled by any of those things (except the One Direction thing). We reached out to a fourth year biology major to explain why your woman always seems pissed after you rock her world.
“It’s called the clitoris. It is an elusive bone found somewhere on the female body approximately near the prostate,” explains Mal Le’Able, the biology major in question. “And I am dangerously close to finding it.”
Mal has been conducting extensive research on possible whereabouts of the clitoris, but as of yet he has failed to grasp it. He is working alongside his girlfriend and lab partner Neva Khaim who desperately aids his search for the evasive muscle.
“It's on the tip of my tongue,” exclaims Mal. “I’m so close, I can feel it.”
“Well I can’t,” responds Neva glumly.
“We have been running many clinical trials to see if any man can find the clitoris based on what major they’re in,” says Mal. “Unfortunately through our testing we have found that almost no one can find the clitoris, especially my fellow biology majors. In fact, our tests have shown that not a single biology major can find the clitoris. The same goes for the entirety of the Khoury College of Computer Sciences. Unsurprisingly, the only students who could reliably find the clitoris everytime were those with a combined Business Administration & Communications Major, with a concentration in Marketing and a Minor in Media Production. The results were truly breathtaking.”
“Only breathtaking for about half the participants however,” clarifies an exasperated Neva.
Mal has encouraging words however. “To those who are unable to find the clitoris, know that you are not alone, and, while your girlfriend may not, we feel you.”
A shrinking majority of us here at the Husky Husky believe that while Mr. Le’Able’s research is important, the most important thing when it comes to relations between a man and a woman isn’t whether or not someone is able to find this mythical point, but rather that sex is about coming together. Not literally of course, but metaphorically. And perhaps that is the answer to this mystery; maybe the clitoris isn’t a thing to be found at any one point on the female body. Perhaps the real clitoris can be found in the bond you share with those around you. So, my advice is to stop worrying about finding your girlfriend’s clitoris, but rather look within and find the clitoris inside yourself.
