Blood soaked Aoun announces Northeastern no longer has a housing problem

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Blood soaked Aoun announcing he has solved the Northeastern housing crisis

Boston, MA - Today, at a sudden press conference, A blood-soaked Aoun announced that Northeastern no longer has a housing crisis, as he has, with the help of the administration, completely eradicated the problem. President Aoun was noticeably winded and gave off a rather unsettling aura of excitement. When a Huntington News reporter asked him if the solution was permanent, Aoun responded with “Oh yeah, it’s pretty permanent.” 

Husky Husky correspondents asked about the solution used to solve the housing problem but Aoun did not reveal anything other than that “the IV basement will be closed for a little while.”

It’s safe to say that whatever Aoun has done to resolve the housing crisis has certainly worked. With shorter lines at dining halls and around campus students have praised Aoun for solving the Northeastern Housing crisis. “It’s nice to finally have that gigantic 7-person suite at West Village all to myself,'' said Michael Fraiser, a seventh-year business major. “I’m just happy I can finally move out from my dorm under the Green Line on Huntington Ave,” said Amy Counter, a third-year Whale Astrology major.

Not all students welcomed the change, as a number of SGA members lodged a complaint stating “the solution presented by the Northeastern administration does not solve the housing crisis of surrounding universities and is very classist.” These complaints were obviously ignored by the administration, much like everything else SGA does.


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